When we were kids, Christmas was an absolute blast.
We had all the fun and none of the responsibilities. All we had to do was show up in our PJs, open presents, eat delicious food, and spend the day playing with our new treasures.
But alas, as grown-ups, the holiday season is a whole different ballgame: it’s all responsibilities and minimal fun.
For many adults, the most joyful time of the year is seriously lacking in joy and can be hugely stressful. There’s often financial pressure, time pressure, and the overwhelm of trying to do a million things at once while keeping everyone happy.
This can all lead to increased stress levels, anxiety, depression, or burnout – and that’s the last thing you need when you’re meant to be relaxing and enjoying some downtime after an intense year.
If you’re already feeling stressed about the upcoming holiday season, remember that this year doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By adapting your approach and mindset, you can reduce your stress levels and inject more fun into your Christmas holidays
let’s talk about how to make that happen.
Reduce Your Stress Levels In The Lead Up To Christmas
Make A Plan
Did you know that 51% of New Zealanders feel increased financial and social stress during the holiday season?
One of the best ways to avoid overwhelm is to have a solid plan of action. Instead of leaving everything to the last minute and completely stressing yourself out, sit down and come up with a schedule that spreads all your pre-holiday tasks out into bite-sized chunks.
If you plan to cook up a feed for the family, get your grocery shopping done early when things are on sale. Maybe you can even do some baking or cooking early and freeze it, so there’s less to do closer to Christmas day.
Make a gift list and get it sorted early online, and don’t forget to schedule some rest and relaxation in there too!
Stop Perfectionism In Its Tracks
If there’s one mantra you should keep repeating leading up to Christmas, it’s this:
Done is better than perfect.
While Christmas does come with certain pressures, you’ll likely find that many of them are self-inflicted.
Is it really that important to get the perfect gift for everyone, have the best-decorated house in the street, cook the most extravagant dinner for the family, or bend over backwards to make sure the day goes exactly to plan?
In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world if things don’t go quite as you expected, so reduce your stress levels by lowering your expectations.
Take Good Care Of Yourself
When we are stressed, we tend to act counter-intuitively and ditch the healthy habits we should embrace. Basic health hygiene habits like regular meals, eight hours of sleep, and exercise are often the first things to disappear from our daily schedules.
However, one of the best ways to reduce your stress levels is by prioritising self-care. A lack of sleep and movement and poor nutrition can contribute to increased cortisol levels, exacerbating the physical and emotional symptoms of stress.
Of course, over the silly season, there’s bound to be some bigger meals and a few late nights – and we should embrace those enjoyable moments – but if you’re consistently putting your health at the bottom of the list, you could find yourself burned out before Santa has even harnessed up his reindeer.
Reframe The Act Of Giving
Like many holidays, a lot of joy gets sucked out of Christmas by the massive push to buy, buy, buy. Decorations, summer holiday essentials, gifts for family, friends, the kids’ teachers and the postie.
While giving can be a beautiful thing, it doesn’t have to be about buying the biggest, shiniest gift around. It truly can be about more than that. It’s about the love, time and effort that goes into selecting or making something for someone.
If you’re feeling pressured financially, remember that gifts don’t even have to be tangible. They can be things like a massage, cooking dinner for your loved one, or doing something special for each other that you wouldn’t ordinarily do.
It’s never too late to change the focus in your household and introduce new traditions that reduce your stress levels for years to come – and that can start with changing the way you approach gift-giving.
Call In The Troops
Do you usually take care of most of the Christmas prep alone? And are you always the one stuck in the kitchen sorting out the food while everyone else relaxes? Say it with me – “not this year!”
This is the year you will ask for help so that you can reduce your stress levels and have a merry Christmas along with your friends and family. When you’re planning all the pre-holiday tasks, start delegating! If you usually host, let someone else take over. Alternatively, ask everyone to bring a plate instead of cooking everything yourself.
Don’t be afraid to say no when something feels like too much. Set boundaries around how much you will commit to, and be clear on what you’d like help with.
Most importantly, remember that if you’re feeling stressed, you’re not alone. As I mentioned before, half of all Kiwis are right there with you! Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing. If you feel like the stress is getting too much and you need to talk or develop better strategies to reduce your stress levels, reach out for the support you need.
Christmas stress is real! And it is totally ok to want to reduce your stress levels during the silly season. But, it can be hard to know how to do it. If you want some easy-to-action strategies that you can implement right away.
If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
What Is Burnout?
Psychologist Herbert Freudenberger first coined the term “burnout” in 1974. He described it as “the extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one’s devotion to a cause or relationship fails to produce the desired results.”
Burnout is a state of mental and physical exhaustion that occurs when we have experienced prolonged or chronic stress.
Unsurprisingly, burnout has been increasingly common in our busy, “hustle” oriented world. Particularly since 2020 due to the stresses and demands brought about by the global pandemic.
How To Identify Burnout
Burnout can present in a variety of different ways and can look a little bit different for everyone, but there are three specific signs or symptoms that show up:
- Physical and emotional exhaustion
- Cynicism and detachment
- Feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment
Everyone feels a little tired from time to time, but burnout is characterised by extreme fatigue that is hard to shake. Along with that exhaustion, you may feel overwhelmed by tasks that used to be simple and find it hard to motivate yourself to do much of anything at all.
Work that you used to enjoy can feel too difficult or downright pointless. Small stresses may feel like the end of the world, and you might be at a loss with how to get the old you back.
Your energy is zapped, your motivation has long departed, and you may develop a host of physical symptoms as your nervous system succumbs to that perpetual state of fight or flight.
Common Signs Of Burnout
There are some common signs that can signify burnout. These can be:
- Persistent insomnia
- Inability to concentrate
- Forgetfulness
- Dizziness
- Headaches
- Digestive disorders
- Loss of appetite/weight loss
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Irritability
- Loss of enjoyment of life
- Isolation
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Lack of productivity
While anybody can become burned out, it does seem particularly common amongst “type A” personalities – those who tend to be highly ambitious and perfectionists.
3 Simple Steps To Support Yourself
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It’s actually a result of ongoing stress. This stress could stem from one area of your life or many. Perhaps you’re caring for an ill family member, working in a demanding job, trying to home school the kids through a pandemic, or facing another challenge.
After identifying that you’re suffering from burnout, the first consideration is to ask yourself if there’s a way to address the stress in your life.
Is there anything you can do to ease the pressure you feel at work or home? If not, then it’s time to take some practical steps to deal with the stress yourself.
Here are three simple yet effective ways you can support yourself during burnout:
1: Learn to Manage Your Stress Levels
Your body is designed to deal with stress from time to time, but chronic stress is another story. If you constantly feel tense and overwhelmed, your body keeps the stress response going, pumping out stress hormones such as cortisol.
Over time, these hormones can be detrimental, causing insomnia, increased anxiety, and a host of other physical and mental issues.
Most of us can’t just jump on a plane to a tropical island and let the stress melt away right now. But luckily, there are plenty of ways to calm that stress response down right at home.
Meditation is one of the most effective ways of calming the body. Even if you’re not spiritual, research reveals there are loads of benefits from even a simple ten-minute-a-day meditation practice.
It can be intimidating to sit still and be with your mind, but there are plenty of free apps or YouTube videos that will guide you through the practice. Commit to just five to ten minutes a day, to begin with. Stick with it, and you will start to see glimpses of how it can feel to calm your mind and body.
2: Get Moving
Before you roll your eyes and crawl back under your blanket – I get it! Often, exercise is the last thing you want to do when feeling overwhelmed with life.
But it’s also one of the best ways to boost your mood and help you feel empowered! The mental benefits of exercise are just as valuable as the physical benefits.
You don’t have to do an hour-long HIIT class or run a 5K (although if that motivates you, embrace it!)
Something as gentle as Tai Chi or Yin Yoga can help you get out of your mind and into your body, reducing stress levels as you focus on your breath and stretch those tired muscles.
Even a ten-minute walk can improve your mood for up to two hours. Pick something that sounds enjoyable (failing that, at least tolerable) and start with just ten minutes every second day.
3: Reach Out for Support
Burnout makes minor problems seem enormous. It can make us feel terribly alone and yet not want to be around others. But reaching out to make connections is a powerful way to get your life back into balance.
Social contact is important for us (yes, even the introverts!) Sometimes, just talking to someone who is a good listener can calm your nervous system and lower your stress levels.
Connect with your partner, friends, or family if you feel comfortable with them. Initiate some honest conversations about how you’re feeling.
Alternatively, reaching out to someone who has experienced burnout and found a way out may be valuable. They’ll understand exactly how you’re feeling and can offer support and guidance to navigate your way off burnout island.
Bear in mind that burnout does share many symptoms with depression and anxiety. If you are concerned about your mental health, it’s always advisable to chat with your doctor or a mental health professional.
Set Yourself Up For Success In 2022
If you’re feeling like everything is too much, now is the perfect time to hit pause and take care of yourself so that you’re ready to welcome 2022 from a better and brighter perspective.
Remember, you don’t have to go it alone. There is additional support out there that can help get you through.
I’ve climbed out of burnout hell and found my real power, which helped me discover my purpose: helping people like you do the same!
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
Do you experience self-doubt, inadequacy, and general “not good enoughness?”
As much as you may feel alone, you are definitely not. Most people have their own version of a nasty inner critic, even if they appear confident and capable.
Sometimes, our critical thoughts are so subtle or unconscious that we aren’t even aware of them. We just know that we feel like imposters or failures in some (or all!) areas of our lives.
In spite of the persistence of these thoughts, we don’t have to be at their mercy. There are ways to silence the internal dialogue and quit those feelings of “not good enough.”
Here are ten tips to help stop the negative self-talk.
1. Understand Where Not Good Enough Comes From
This is not the easiest undertaking, but it is an important one. While we may be able to shift our thoughts without fully comprehending them, having an understanding of why they exist in the first place can be useful.
However, the answer isn’t often straightforward. It’s likely to be a combination of childhood experiences that built incorrect core beliefs that dominate our adult lives. It could also come from traumatic experiences later in life or learned expectations from society.
It may even be that you are just an overly sensitive person with a strong perfectionist streak (but again, that often comes from early childhood experiences).
Regardless of the source, once you identify the roots, it can be easier to put the thoughts and feelings aside.
2. Focus On Progress, Not Perfection
Perfectionism has a lot to answer for when it comes to not feeling good enough! Often, we strive to be the perfect employee, boss, partner, friend, parent… whatever it is. But we forget that perfect doesn’t exist.
Rather than focusing on the outcome of your efforts, shift your focus to the process of showing up and taking action. Acknowledge your bravery and persistence on your journey rather than stressing out about reaching the destination
3. Build Awareness Of Your Thoughts
To change your thoughts, you must first become aware of them. Often, we just feel crappy without knowing exactly why. But if you have the ability to watch and track your thoughts, you will trace that crappy feeling back to an exact thought trigger. It can take a bit of practice to observe your thoughts.
Start with mindful moments during the day to observe your inner landscape, and it will become easier over time.
4. Separate Thoughts From Feelings
Feeling not good enough comes from thoughts about not feeling good enough, which we are learning to catch and observe. The next idea may come as a revelation, but here it is:
“Not every thought you have is true!”
If you spend time calmly observing your mind, you will quickly see how crazy it is, leaping all over the show – sometimes your thoughts are downright outrageous. This is excellent news! It means you don’t have to believe every negative thought you have about yourself, which means those unpleasant feelings can eventually be bypassed.
5. Become Your Own Best Friend
Would you ever speak to a close friend the way you talk to yourself? Highly doubtful! Then why on earth would you allow that kind of talk to continue in your mind?
When you catch a thought that triggers “I’m not good enough,” think about what you would say to a friend in the same situation. You would probably focus on their good qualities, encourage them for what they have done, and support them to keep going. You deserve the same.
6. Stop Comparing
Comparing yourself to others is a sure-fire way to feel not good enough. Remember, your life is unique, and your journey is unique. Use other people to inspire and motivate you, but never use them to beat yourself up about who you are or what you are or are not doing.
The first place you should stop comparing yourself to others is on social media. Most people’s feeds are not a true reflection of their lives or their internal landscapes. Those amazing parents, successful entrepreneurs, fitness and health gurus are not perfect, trust me. Remember to take your social media feeds with a pinch of salt.
7. Celebrate Your Successes
Sometimes, you need a bit of evidence to counteract those old stories playing in your head.
We said that thoughts aren’t always facts, so sit down and come up with some concrete facts that disprove those stories. You can whip them out every time you need a confidence burst. The successes don’t all have to be earth-shattering; celebrate the small wins as well as the big ones.
8. Remember, It’s Not About You
If someone else is triggering you to feel not good enough for any reason, remember that it’s not actually about you! As kids, we often lack the perspective to separate an angry parent or disappointed friends from our own inner failings.
But as adults, we can try to recognise that when other people are putting us down, blaming us, or being angry, it is often more about their emotional state than ours. If you are doing your best, don’t take on their drama – let it go.
9. Be Kind
Kindness is a great antidote for nastiness. Do your best to be kind to yourself. And then spread that kindness to others. Research has shown that acts of kindness benefit not only the recipient, but also the person reaching out! Do something nice for someone, and you will feel better about yourself.
10. Let Yourself Vent
It can be hard to think yourself out of your thinking – there’s just too much going on in your noggin!
Getting your thoughts out of your head into the world can be a huge relief. Journalling can be a helpful practice allowing you to recognise thought patterns and work through them. Talking to a friend or trusted coach can also be helpful.
But don’t beat yourself up if you have a hard time getting to the bottom of your feelings of not good enough. Many of these thoughts have been entrenched for decades and may be linked to deeply traumatic or upsetting experiences.
Talking to someone experienced in unravelling negative self-talk can be enormously helpful. Consider coaching or therapy to help you move from not good enough to more than enough.
Put An End To Not Feeling Good Enough
“You have been criticising yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Louise L. Hay.
Empowerment coaching, neuro-linguistic programming, and hypnotherapy are all powerful ways of recoding your brain and transforming your mindset. If you would like to chat about how I can help motivate and empower you to make positive life changes, contact me today.
Ready for a session?
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
For those of us who experienced or witnessed bullying at school, it can be a relief to step out into the world and put it behind us.
But unfortunately, bullying doesn’t always wrap up when people grow up.
Not only does workplace bullying happen, it is surprisingly common. Some research suggests that nearly 50% of people have been affected by bullying at work.
Being the target of bullying can be disempowering and damaging. But there are ways to stand up and refuse to accept certain behaviours. It all starts with having the right mindset.
Let’s explore what workplace bullying looks like and how our mindset can help change our reaction to it.
What Does Workplace Bullying Look Like?
Worksafe NZ defines bullying as “repeated and unreasonable behaviour directed towards a worker or a group of workers that can lead to physical or psychological harm.”
More than just a one-off occurrence, bullying behaviour happens again and again. It can include things like intimidation, threats, humiliation or victimisation. Sometimes, bullying can fall into the category of harassment or discrimination, but not always.
Although it’s more common for bullying to come from bosses or supervisors (61% of the time), it can happen between colleagues or even come from clients or customers at a workplace.
Bullying in the workplace can be blatant or subtle, but the result is always the same. The target can become anxious and depressed, experience low self-esteem and self-doubt, and even develop stress-related symptoms such as headaches, digestive issues, and insomnia.
Here are some examples of workplace bullying:
- someone purposely giving you incorrect information (or excluding information) about your work to ensure you fail
- repeated denial for time off with no good reason
- threats, humiliation, or other verbal abuse
- excessive negative performance monitoring
- gossip, jokes, or other verbal abuse
- social exclusion
- invasion of privacy
- taking credit for or stealing your ideas repeatedly
- aggressive communication such as yelling, hostility, aggressive body language, or angry emails
- constant unwarranted criticism without adequate guidance and support
Your Mindset And Bullying In The Workplace
How often have you watched a teen high-school movie and seen the bully get away with their behaviour merely because the target was too afraid to stand up for themselves?
When it first happens, we are often so shell-shocked that we don’t take action, or we assume that it was a once-off and hope it won’t happen again. This is our first crucial mistake. We need to be able to identify these situations and behaviours and understand that it’s okay to say no to them.
Having the right mindset means setting your own tolerance parameters and demonstrating that bullying behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated by you.
Bullies get away with acting inappropriately simply because the environment they are in and the people surrounding them allow it.
Even if we have little to no control over the way other people behave, we have complete control over our response.
Our Response To Workplace Bullying
Research into bullying amongst children and teens reveals that having a resilient mindset can significantly reduce the amount of damage bullying does. Instead of feeling like a victim and taking the attacks personally, a strong mindset helps you take constructive action to protect yourself and others.
“Changing students’ mindsets towards the act of being bullied – by not taking it personally and not blowing the badness of many forms of bullying out of proportion – inoculated students from cyber-bullying, verbal harassment, social isolation and physical aggression, significantly reducing the intensity of students’ emotional responses.”
This advice does not only apply to students. When you adopt a growth mindset, you accept that nothing is permanent and can more easily comprehend that the bullying doesn’t reflect who you are anyway – rather it’s about who your bully is and their inability to interact in more constructive ways.
How To Handle A Workplace Bully
Once you have identified bullying behaviour in the workplace, respond immediately.
Bullies aren’t used to being confronted. This is what gives them the green light to keep acting the way they do. When you understand your boundaries and can identify that someone is a bully, squash it in the moment without resorting to retaliation or bullying in return.
Reflect your self-value in your body language by standing up tall with your nose up and shoulders back. Speak calmly and confidently and lay the boundaries.
If the situation continues or you feel unable to deal with it alone, there are plenty of ways to approach it, such as documenting the behaviour, gathering physical evidence such as emails or notes, talking to your manager or another support person, gathering evidence, and reporting the bully.
Worksafe NZ has some valuable resources available on their website.
Adopting A Resilience Mindset
Bullying is never acceptable in any situation, but it can sometimes be hard to reach a resolution, particularly if the workplace has turned a blind eye to the behaviour for some time.
One of the best ways to effectively handle bullying is by adapting your response by cultivating a mindset of growth and resilience. The right mindset not only reduces the impacts of the bullying, but it can empower you to stand up to a bully by refusing to tolerate their behaviour.
If you would like to cultivate your own resilience mindset but aren’t sure where to start, then book a time to chat with me today. Together, we can build it.
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
Are you constantly exhausted and never wake up feeling refreshed?
Do you worry about everything and no longer find joy in the things you used to.
You have no energy to do much of anything and feel like you are failing in almost every area of your life. You want something else, but you’re not sure what that is, or how to get there.
If this hits home, it sounds like you haven’t just arrived on burnout island. Rather, you’ve bought a house and planted yourself firmly in the neighbourhood!
How do I know?
Well, I've found myself on burnout island more than once, and it’s not the kind of postcode you want to settle down in!
The good news is that it doesn’t have to turn into a permanent residency. The first step is recognising what’s happening; from there, you can make the changes needed to get your life back.
Let’s take a tour of burnout island and find out what it is, how you got there, and how to get to a better place!
It’s Time To Get Off Burnout Island
What Is Burnout?
The World Health Organisation defines burnout as a condition “resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”
I think that’s putting it lightly!
To summarise, burnout is what happens to the body and mind when prolonged stress causes you to be exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. Basically, you are all out of gas with no petrol station in sight.
How Do You Know You Are Burned Out?
No doubt, you will already recognise that you are either burned out – or on your way to burnout island – from the introduction. But if you’re not sure, here are a few key signs that shouldn’t be ignored:
- You are utterly exhausted all the time
- You find it hard to focus or find motivation
- You’ve lost the “spark” you used to have towards your job or career
- You feel like you are failing in almost all areas of your life
- You get sick often and experience headaches and body aches
- Maybe you have trouble sleeping or sleep too much
- Your appetite or eating habits may have altered
- It’s hard to snap out of a negative mindset
- The things you used to enjoy no longer bring satisfaction
Personally, I experienced all of the above and more. During my career, I’ve burnt myself out three times, clearly I was a slow learner. It felt like the energy and life were sucked right out of me.
At 47, I had to reinvented my life. That meant everything from health and wellbeing to my career. I had to find new ways of operating to ensure I never go back to that place again.
Why Does Burnout Happen?
If you are a female, it will come as no surprise that burnout happens to women more often than it does to men.
One research study, in particular, revealed that lack of equality in the workplace due to gender was a key factor.
In spite of our experience or qualifications, it remains a sad fact that women often have less authority to make decisions in the workplace. All too often, we are also overqualified for our roles.
The frustration caused by this imbalance leads to increasing dissatisfaction at work. It can be completely disempowering as a professional woman to find this kind of attitude throughout the workforce.
On top of these challenges at work, women still often (but not always) bear a lot of responsibility at home. Whether you are a single parent or have equal responsibilities, parenting is full of pressure. We take on so much, work harder to prove ourselves professionally, and beat ourselves up when we can’t do it all.
How To Fix Burnout - Or Get The “F” Off Burnout Island!
It can be scary to realise that you are burned out and aren’t sure where to turn. But, it can also be empowering. Now that you have identified what’s going on, you can start taking steps to fix it.
I know it can be overwhelming to think about making changes when everything already feels too hard. But you don’t have to do it all at once, and you certainly don’t have to do it alone.
Here are some tips on getting started:
Put yourself first – this may be a new concept for many, but as the old saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Putting yourself first may involve scheduling time exclusively for you to do the things you want or need to be well. It may mean learning to say "no" to things that drain you, too!
Get back to basics – taking care of ourselves often falls to the wayside when life feels like a struggle. When this happens, it’s time to strip it back to the very basics we need to be healthy. Eat well, move your body every day, get plenty of sleep, drink enough water, and find ways to manage your stress better.
Get support – sometimes it’s hard to get out of your own head. An outside perspective can help change your mindset and steer you to a new neighbourhood. Don’t underestimate the value of talking to someone who’s been where you are!
After I climbed out of burnout hell, I found my real power, and it became my mission to help women like you do the same.
Together we will refocus your mindset, so you ditch the BS stories and beliefs that are holding you captive, and transition to loving life and living your dreams!
All my sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
