Do you experience self-doubt, inadequacy, and general “not good enoughness?”
As much as you may feel alone, you are definitely not. Most people have their own version of a nasty inner critic, even if they appear confident and capable.
Sometimes, our critical thoughts are so subtle or unconscious that we aren’t even aware of them. We just know that we feel like imposters or failures in some (or all!) areas of our lives.
In spite of the persistence of these thoughts, we don’t have to be at their mercy. There are ways to silence the internal dialogue and quit those feelings of “not good enough.”
Here are ten tips to help stop the negative self-talk.
1. Understand Where Not Good Enough Comes From
This is not the easiest undertaking, but it is an important one. While we may be able to shift our thoughts without fully comprehending them, having an understanding of why they exist in the first place can be useful.
However, the answer isn’t often straightforward. It’s likely to be a combination of childhood experiences that built incorrect core beliefs that dominate our adult lives. It could also come from traumatic experiences later in life or learned expectations from society.
It may even be that you are just an overly sensitive person with a strong perfectionist streak (but again, that often comes from early childhood experiences).
Regardless of the source, once you identify the roots, it can be easier to put the thoughts and feelings aside.
2. Focus On Progress, Not Perfection
Perfectionism has a lot to answer for when it comes to not feeling good enough! Often, we strive to be the perfect employee, boss, partner, friend, parent… whatever it is. But we forget that perfect doesn’t exist.
Rather than focusing on the outcome of your efforts, shift your focus to the process of showing up and taking action. Acknowledge your bravery and persistence on your journey rather than stressing out about reaching the destination
3. Build Awareness Of Your Thoughts
To change your thoughts, you must first become aware of them. Often, we just feel crappy without knowing exactly why. But if you have the ability to watch and track your thoughts, you will trace that crappy feeling back to an exact thought trigger. It can take a bit of practice to observe your thoughts.
Start with mindful moments during the day to observe your inner landscape, and it will become easier over time.
4. Separate Thoughts From Feelings
Feeling not good enough comes from thoughts about not feeling good enough, which we are learning to catch and observe. The next idea may come as a revelation, but here it is:
“Not every thought you have is true!”
If you spend time calmly observing your mind, you will quickly see how crazy it is, leaping all over the show – sometimes your thoughts are downright outrageous. This is excellent news! It means you don’t have to believe every negative thought you have about yourself, which means those unpleasant feelings can eventually be bypassed.
5. Become Your Own Best Friend
Would you ever speak to a close friend the way you talk to yourself? Highly doubtful! Then why on earth would you allow that kind of talk to continue in your mind?
When you catch a thought that triggers “I’m not good enough,” think about what you would say to a friend in the same situation. You would probably focus on their good qualities, encourage them for what they have done, and support them to keep going. You deserve the same.
6. Stop Comparing
Comparing yourself to others is a sure-fire way to feel not good enough. Remember, your life is unique, and your journey is unique. Use other people to inspire and motivate you, but never use them to beat yourself up about who you are or what you are or are not doing.
The first place you should stop comparing yourself to others is on social media. Most people’s feeds are not a true reflection of their lives or their internal landscapes. Those amazing parents, successful entrepreneurs, fitness and health gurus are not perfect, trust me. Remember to take your social media feeds with a pinch of salt.
7. Celebrate Your Successes
Sometimes, you need a bit of evidence to counteract those old stories playing in your head.
We said that thoughts aren’t always facts, so sit down and come up with some concrete facts that disprove those stories. You can whip them out every time you need a confidence burst. The successes don’t all have to be earth-shattering; celebrate the small wins as well as the big ones.
8. Remember, It’s Not About You
If someone else is triggering you to feel not good enough for any reason, remember that it’s not actually about you! As kids, we often lack the perspective to separate an angry parent or disappointed friends from our own inner failings.
But as adults, we can try to recognise that when other people are putting us down, blaming us, or being angry, it is often more about their emotional state than ours. If you are doing your best, don’t take on their drama – let it go.
9. Be Kind
Kindness is a great antidote for nastiness. Do your best to be kind to yourself. And then spread that kindness to others. Research has shown that acts of kindness benefit not only the recipient, but also the person reaching out! Do something nice for someone, and you will feel better about yourself.
10. Let Yourself Vent
It can be hard to think yourself out of your thinking – there’s just too much going on in your noggin!
Getting your thoughts out of your head into the world can be a huge relief. Journalling can be a helpful practice allowing you to recognise thought patterns and work through them. Talking to a friend or trusted coach can also be helpful.
But don’t beat yourself up if you have a hard time getting to the bottom of your feelings of not good enough. Many of these thoughts have been entrenched for decades and may be linked to deeply traumatic or upsetting experiences.
Talking to someone experienced in unravelling negative self-talk can be enormously helpful. Consider coaching or therapy to help you move from not good enough to more than enough.
Put An End To Not Feeling Good Enough
“You have been criticising yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Louise L. Hay.
Empowerment coaching, neuro-linguistic programming, and hypnotherapy are all powerful ways of recoding your brain and transforming your mindset. If you would like to chat about how I can help motivate and empower you to make positive life changes, contact me today.
Ready for a session?
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
How to Stop Feeling Stuck In All Areas Of Your Life
When did you stop going after the things you really wanted and settled for comfortable dissatisfaction?
So many people get worn down by life and forget that they have choices.
We reach a certain age or stage and just accept that this is the way it is. We remain inside our comfort zone, afraid to make changes.
The negative crap we tell ourselves over and over via our thoughts feels true. And the negative crap we hear from other people piles on top of that until it all just feels too much – we are well and truly stuck.
But the truth is that even though this situation may feel like your reality, it doesn’t have to be. At any point, you can change your life by changing your mindset.
Sick of being stuck and looking for a way to change?
Read on to find out how to choose something different.
Feeling Stuck?
I want to start by telling you that you are not alone. So many people out there get stuck – in the wrong jobs, in the wrong relationships, in the wrong places…
It’s far from uncommon; in fact, it’s probably more common to be stuck than to be unstuck! But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it should be acceptable for you.
You deserve to have a fulfilling life - however that looks to you – and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise, not even your self!
To really understand how we end up this way, we need to do a bunch of work. There’s no quick answer, just as there’s no quick fix.
But just because the journey won’t be fast or easy doesn’t mean we should quit before we even try, right?
Remember, the life you want is on the other side of the things you don’t want to do – things like being brave enough to observe your thoughts, stepping away from other people’s expectations, and feeling afraid and uncertain a lot of the time!
Why Do We Get Stuck?
The reasons we get stuck are numerous, and everyone is different. But a lot of it boils down to our mindset – the thoughts we have that dictate the behaviours and habits we adopt.
So many of us get stuck in a negative frame of mind. We talk ourselves out of things because we don’t feel we are good enough, or perhaps we are afraid of stepping away from what we know.
Mindset is everything, and it’s hard to make positive choices when we are trapped in a negative mindset.
“If you believe it will work out, you will see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.”
- Dr Wayne Dyer
Mindset also impacts the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what our life is like. Even if these stories are self-sabotaging and limiting, they are somewhat comforting – until we get sick of listening to our own crap and decide to take a step back.
The good news is that none of the stuff that got you where you are is set in stone, even if it feels that way! Mindset, thought patterns, behaviours, and stories can be changed. You just need to start doing the work.
Is It Time For A Change?
Why would we want to limit ourselves and sabotage our dreams?
Because staying in our comfort zone feels safe. Believe it or not, that negative critic in your head that says you are not good enough, can’t do it, are better off not trying – that critic is your mind’s clumsy, ineffective way of trying to protect you!
So, what’s the first step in getting out of your own way and changing your mindset?
Well, the fact that you are reading this is a great start because it means you’re tired of the status quo, tired of feeling like this, and ready to try something different! And that all starts with working on your mindset and thoughts – or rather, your reaction to them.
How To Choose Something Different
Almost everyone on the planet has negative thoughts – even positive people. The difference between you and them is they pay no attention to those thoughts and make choices based on possibility, passion, and intention instead of fear.
Start noticing your thoughts and your emotions (hint – they’re very closely linked!) Feeling jealous of someone? That’s probably because they have something you want but won’t allow yourself to go after.
Feeling not good enough? That’s an old story that no longer serves you. Time to figure out where it came from and rewrite it.
Feeling afraid? That’s all good; fear is normal, but it’s not a sign that you shouldn’t do something (unless it’s the healthy, old-fashioned kind of fear that tells you not to stick your hand into the tiger’s cage at the zoo!)
It’s Over To You...
Nobody can do the work but you. However, there are many people who can support you to do the work. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, journaling, and affirmations can be a valuable part of the journey.
Chatting with a coach or therapist can help us get out of our own heads, identify limiting behaviours, and develop new ways of living.
And targeted support in the form of neuro-linguistic programming and hypnotherapy can help you get right to the source of those problematic thoughts, fast-tracking you to a new way of being.
If you are sick of feeling stuck and would like some help to move beyond your barriers, then book a time to chat with me today.
Ready for a session?
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
For those of us who experienced or witnessed bullying at school, it can be a relief to step out into the world and put it behind us.
But unfortunately, bullying doesn’t always wrap up when people grow up.
Not only does workplace bullying happen, it is surprisingly common. Some research suggests that nearly 50% of people have been affected by bullying at work.
Being the target of bullying can be disempowering and damaging. But there are ways to stand up and refuse to accept certain behaviours. It all starts with having the right mindset.
Let’s explore what workplace bullying looks like and how our mindset can help change our reaction to it.
What Does Workplace Bullying Look Like?
Worksafe NZ defines bullying as “repeated and unreasonable behaviour directed towards a worker or a group of workers that can lead to physical or psychological harm.”
More than just a one-off occurrence, bullying behaviour happens again and again. It can include things like intimidation, threats, humiliation or victimisation. Sometimes, bullying can fall into the category of harassment or discrimination, but not always.
Although it’s more common for bullying to come from bosses or supervisors (61% of the time), it can happen between colleagues or even come from clients or customers at a workplace.
Bullying in the workplace can be blatant or subtle, but the result is always the same. The target can become anxious and depressed, experience low self-esteem and self-doubt, and even develop stress-related symptoms such as headaches, digestive issues, and insomnia.
Here are some examples of workplace bullying:
- someone purposely giving you incorrect information (or excluding information) about your work to ensure you fail
- repeated denial for time off with no good reason
- threats, humiliation, or other verbal abuse
- excessive negative performance monitoring
- gossip, jokes, or other verbal abuse
- social exclusion
- invasion of privacy
- taking credit for or stealing your ideas repeatedly
- aggressive communication such as yelling, hostility, aggressive body language, or angry emails
- constant unwarranted criticism without adequate guidance and support
Your Mindset And Bullying In The Workplace
How often have you watched a teen high-school movie and seen the bully get away with their behaviour merely because the target was too afraid to stand up for themselves?
When it first happens, we are often so shell-shocked that we don’t take action, or we assume that it was a once-off and hope it won’t happen again. This is our first crucial mistake. We need to be able to identify these situations and behaviours and understand that it’s okay to say no to them.
Having the right mindset means setting your own tolerance parameters and demonstrating that bullying behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated by you.
Bullies get away with acting inappropriately simply because the environment they are in and the people surrounding them allow it.
Even if we have little to no control over the way other people behave, we have complete control over our response.
Our Response To Workplace Bullying
Research into bullying amongst children and teens reveals that having a resilient mindset can significantly reduce the amount of damage bullying does. Instead of feeling like a victim and taking the attacks personally, a strong mindset helps you take constructive action to protect yourself and others.
“Changing students’ mindsets towards the act of being bullied – by not taking it personally and not blowing the badness of many forms of bullying out of proportion – inoculated students from cyber-bullying, verbal harassment, social isolation and physical aggression, significantly reducing the intensity of students’ emotional responses.”
This advice does not only apply to students. When you adopt a growth mindset, you accept that nothing is permanent and can more easily comprehend that the bullying doesn’t reflect who you are anyway – rather it’s about who your bully is and their inability to interact in more constructive ways.
How To Handle A Workplace Bully
Once you have identified bullying behaviour in the workplace, respond immediately.
Bullies aren’t used to being confronted. This is what gives them the green light to keep acting the way they do. When you understand your boundaries and can identify that someone is a bully, squash it in the moment without resorting to retaliation or bullying in return.
Reflect your self-value in your body language by standing up tall with your nose up and shoulders back. Speak calmly and confidently and lay the boundaries.
If the situation continues or you feel unable to deal with it alone, there are plenty of ways to approach it, such as documenting the behaviour, gathering physical evidence such as emails or notes, talking to your manager or another support person, gathering evidence, and reporting the bully.
Worksafe NZ has some valuable resources available on their website.
Adopting A Resilience Mindset
Bullying is never acceptable in any situation, but it can sometimes be hard to reach a resolution, particularly if the workplace has turned a blind eye to the behaviour for some time.
One of the best ways to effectively handle bullying is by adapting your response by cultivating a mindset of growth and resilience. The right mindset not only reduces the impacts of the bullying, but it can empower you to stand up to a bully by refusing to tolerate their behaviour.
If you would like to cultivate your own resilience mindset but aren’t sure where to start, then book a time to chat with me today. Together, we can build it.
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
Do you get up first thing in the morning and jump straight onto your phone, or do you allow yourself time to meditate, eat a nutritious breakfast and get primed for your day?
If you don’t set yourself up for success in the morning with a morning routine, you spend your day on the back foot. Automatically, you will feel like there’s not enough time for everything and will start piling on the stress.
Before you have even sat down to start your day at work, you feel as if you’ve run a marathon. By the end, despite how “busy” you have been, you still won’t have achieved all the things you wanted to!
The key to a successful day is to prime yourself at the beginning so you are in a better state to deal with what the day throws at you.
Here are my top tips for starting your day right with a morning routine.
Boost Your Morning Routine By Getting Enough Sleep
No matter how great your morning routine is, you will find it hard to have a productive day if you start tired.
Health professionals recommend seven to nine hours every night, so count backwards from your alarm and prepare a bedtime routine that supports a good, long sleep. That means avoiding screens at least an hour before bed and taking time to wind down before lights out.
Don’t Pick Up The Phone!
This is a hard habit to break, but man is it important to nip it in the bud! You know how it goes – you pick up your phone to check your messages or look at the news headlines, and suddenly 30 minutes have passed and you are still scrolling social media!
Not only this, but starting your day in this way takes power away from you. Instead of being proactive and prioritising your tasks and ambitions for the day, you end up falling into the reactive state of responding to emails and messages.
Avoid looking at your device for at least the first hour of your day. This gives you time to get your most important tasks done without being sidetracked. All those social media notifications will still be there when you get to them later on in your schedule!
Drink A Glass Of Water
Leave the smartphone in the kitchen and replace it on your bedside table with a glass (or bottle) of water. After eight or nine hours of sleep, our body definitely appreciates a hydration boost to feel fresh and focused.
Practice Mindfulness
We’ve worked on fuelling and moving our body, so how about paying some attention to your mental space? Instead of rushing through your morning routine, try to work through it calmly and mindfully. Take some deep, mindful breaths and enjoy the sensation of your morning shower, eat your breakfast slowly and appreciate every bite.
It can also be helpful to set an intention for your day once you wake up. What’s your goal for the day? What quality would you like to focus on or embody? Selecting a single word, such as “empathy,” “calmness,” or “gratitude,” can transform the way you approach your entire day.
Eat A Nutritious Breakfast
Your digestive system has had a nice rest. Your body has been carefully healing and prepping you for a new day… do you really want the first thing you ingest to be loaded with sugar or caffeine and not much else?
What you choose to eat in the morning has a massive impact on your energy levels and focus throughout the day. Fuel yourself with a nutritious meal that’s going to keep you powering through until lunchtime.
Can’t be bothered with cooking or food prep in the morning? Do your tomorrow self a favour and throw everything together the night before. Plenty of healthy options are still delicious and satisfying – think avocado and eggs on toast, overnight oats with berries and yoghurt, or a simple green smoothie.
Get Moving
If you are not a morning person, it can be a torturous idea to get a sweat going before work. But there’s something so rewarding about getting your exercise out of the way first thing, so the prospect isn’t hanging over you all day.
Of course, there are plenty of health benefits to getting your blood pumping in the morning. There are the feel-good endorphins released by your body during exercise, and the bonus of improved memory and thinking skills when you get your movement in regularly.
Nailing the Morning Routine
Sometimes, we have the best intentions to begin a new morning routine but try to do too much at once and fail. To avoid this, start with one thing at a time.
Every night before you hit the hay, put a glass of water next to the bed and drink it when you wake up. Do this for a week, then add the next thing… and the next, until your new routine becomes so automatic that you barely have to think about it!
Having the right morning routine sets you up for the day ahead. But sometimes you need a little more support than that.
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
Why Mindset Is Important In Business
The world’s most successful entrepreneurs talk about the power of mindset. Without a success mindset, it can be hard to get out of your own way and achieve your goals.
If we have a growth mindset, we automatically push past obstacles, learn from challenges, and find ways to succeed.
But if we are stuck in a limiting mindset, we may pass up opportunities or allow setbacks to turn into dead ends.
Women And Limiting Beliefs
Although women’s roles have changed drastically over the last few decades, gender roles were extremely defined not so long ago. Many of us are still experiencing the “hangover” from those decades. We were also taught to nurture different qualities than men and behave differently.
Confidence in men is a positive trait, while in women, it’s considered aggressive or pushy.
In NZ, times have indeed changed. In 2019, we were listed fourth on a list of countries with the most female business owners, with 33 percent of businesses owned by women.
As well as the external obstacles women may face while climbing the ladder of success, we must face the internal ones created by our thoughts, beliefs, and life experiences.
Here are a few of the most common:
- Lack of self-belief
- Stress and overwhelm
- Imposter syndrome
- Low self-confidence
- Difficulty concentrating or focusing
- Procrastination
- Perfectionism
- Fear of failure
- Fear of speaking up or public speaking
- Fear of selling
Do any (or all!) of these sound familiar? Quite often, our fixed mindsets, limiting beliefs, and acts of self-sabotage are intertwined, making it hard to unravel the knot and address the things that hold us back.
This is where hypnosis and NLP can be highly effective.
How Hypnosis And NLP Can Enhance Your Performance At Work
Success happens when you are able to move past your limiting beliefs and put your fears aside.
But it’s not enough to just think your way out of a limiting mindset – after all, thinking is what got you into that mindset in the first place!
You need to go beyond your thoughts, to a slightly deeper level where you can reprogram your brain to see things differently.
This is made possible with NLP and hypnosis.
Hypnosis is not about going into a trance and having someone else “control” you. Instead, you will be guided into a state of consciousness where you have increased focus and attention. This is the ideal condition for us to change our thought patterns and create new, useful ones using neuroplasticity – basically, reprogramming our brains.
The process can help you overcome deep-seated fears (such as fear of public speaking or selling), gain self-confidence, improve your memory and focus, and remove those inner blocks that are holding you back.
Level Up Your Career With Hypnosis
Many professionals use hypnosis to overcome anxiety and fear, increase focus and productivity, and boost their careers.
And the research is there to support this. A study in Australia introduced hypno-relaxation to a call centre over four weeks. At the end of the program, people reported reduced fatigue, an improved mood, and enhanced job satisfaction.
Not only that, depression, anger and anxiety had reduced, and workers stated that their memory, focus and confidence had vastly improved.
Trying Hypnosis
Hypnotherapy is a relaxing, calm experience, where you are always in full control. You will experience a deeply relaxed state of hypnosis that allows your subconscious mind to absorb the suggestions given to you, enabling you to easily make and then make positive changes.
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward. If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
