Have you ever felt the need to be in control, and when you’re not you feel stressed and anxious? It can feel like your life is spinning outta control. But did you know that this compulsion for control can actually limit you?
We all know someone who gets their freak on! One women I know was a pro at taking charge, she appeared like she had her shit together, and always seemed to have everything under control. This was a total façade, inside she constantly felt stressed and anxious, powerless and frustrated. She was a master at hiding her emotions and internalising her feelings. What is it about control that makes us feel safe and secure? And more importantly, how can we overcome this? Let’s explore how becoming less of a control freak can liberate you both professionally and personally.
We love, love, love to have certainty, this is part of our human needs and how our brain works. In an uncertain world our brain looks for ways to reduce ambiguity and create order. Our brains are wired to seek out patterns, and uncertainty doesn’t fit into a pattern. As a result, we often feel unease when we are faced with uncertainty. Ultimately our brains crave certainty because it makes us feel safe.
Being in control is not always a bad thing. In fact, it can be quite helpful in many situations. For example, if you are leading a team of people, it is important to be in control so that you make sure everyone is on the same page and working towards the same goal. However, there are also times when being in control can be a bit of a problem. If you are someone who is constantly trying to control everything, you may find that you are missing out on opportunities or experiences because you are to afraid to let go. If this sounds like you, here are a few tips for overcoming control:
- Recognise that you cannot control everything. This may seem like an obvious point, but it is worth repeating. There will always be things that are out of your control, so accept them and move on.
- Learn to delegate to others, this enables you to focus on the things you are good at and leave the rest to someone else.
- Take a step back. If you find yourself getting too wrapped up in something, have a breather. This will help you to clear your head and come back to the situation with a fresh eyes.
- Be kind and practice patience. Sometimes the best course of action is to wait and see what happens before taking drastic measures.
- Talk to someone else. If you are struggling to overcome your need to be in control, talking to someone else can be helpful. They may offer you an alternative perspective or provide you with some advice that you hadn’t considered before.
If you’re a control freak, you’re probably used to things going your way. But what you may not realise is that your need to be in control is actually holding you back. Trust me, I was a total control freak, and I’m learning (yes, I’m still on the journey) to surrender and be vulnerable.
Instead of having a need to control how kids eat, sleep, do homework, or how your team produces their work insisting on perfection, try to relax a little. You may be surprised at how liberating this feels to relinquish control. And as you become more comfortable and familiar with letting go, you’ll be able to handle bigger challenges. Who knows, you might even find that less control leads to more happiness and success.
Hey, it’s not all doom and gloom – there is hope! Getting your control freak on just means you crave order and certainty in your life. The need for control stems from a fear of the unknown or lack of trust in yourself or others. Ironically, being in control can hold you back from achieving your goals. To overcome, this tendency, it’s important to recognise that you cannot always be in charge and to learn to let go. If you find that you are struggling with this issue don’t be afraid to ask for assistance – nobody has to do this journey alone. So what are you waiting for? Reach out today and start living the life you absolutely deserve.
If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
Perfectionism can contribute to burnout in several ways.
First, perfectionists tend to set excessively high standards for themselves, which can lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment when they are not met. Second, perfectionists often ruminate on their mistakes and dwell on negative feedback. All of these factors can increase feelings of anxiety and stress, which when left unmanaged for prolonged periods of time can lead to burnout.
Burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive stress. It can lead to feelings of cynicism and withdrawal, decreased productivity, and even physical health problems.
Often you get small signs that Burnout is knocking at your door way before it becomes a thing. We are often too busy with work and home life that we don't prioritise listening to the signals our body is giving us. Instead, we brush it off, ignore it, or pop a pill to alleviate the problem and carry on.
Society has taught us that we need to be strong and tough out situations or we will be perceived as weak or not good enough. In the workforce, this creates a belief that we won't be seen as professional, or perhaps that we may be overlooked for a promotion. This thinking is what further drives perfectionist behaviour to get everything just right, perfect in fact.
The problem with this approach is that it has contributed to many high performers pushing themselves to extremes and suppressing the internal alarm signals in their bodies. Health issues become worse than necessary and we spend an insurmountable amount of time, effort, energy and money to rebuild ourselves out of a state of Burnout.
While perfectionism can be seen as a good thing, in excess it can lead to burnout. If you’re struggling with perfectionism and feel like you’re constantly burning the midnight oil, it might be time to seek some help.
There are plenty of resources available to you, and we’d love to help connect you with them. Don’t suffer in silence – there is hope for recovery.
What have been your experiences with perfectionism?
If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
Are you one of those people that don’t take breaks? Perhaps you think you don’t have time, or you just have too much on that a break gets in the way of you achieving your to-do-list/goals for the day.
According to the 2021 NZ Southern Cross Workplace Wellbeing Report, 56% of employees took less annual leave than the previous year. It’s no surprise Kiwis spent a fair part of the year in lockdowns due to COVID-19. This in addition to employees not taking regular breaks during the workday is one way that can contribute to them heading down the burnout pathway.
To maintain a healthier life balance, it is important to take regular breaks, which includes annual leave, and regular mini-breaks during the workday.
A lack of breaks can contribute to the burnout factor as we are not allowing time for our mind, body, and soul to have mini pauses to re-energise and rejuvenate ourselves. For employees or those self-employed to be productive and optimally perform, breaks are an essential part of any day, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.
One of the challenges within a corporate work environment is that meetings are back-to-back, not allowing transition time for employees to move from one meeting to the next both physically and mentally, whether in person or remotely. Simple acts of being late for a meeting due to another running over, or a negative outcome from a previous meeting can flow on to the next meeting, create disengagement and cause stress and pressure for your employees. Who said meetings need to start on the hour, especially if you work in a multi-story building, why not start them at quarter to or past the hour?
Working from home can add additional burdens from having to juggle children’s needs and expectations to not having a dedicated quiet space to work from.
After finishing all the daily meetings there is a list of additional tasks to action, emails or texts to respond to and phone calls to return, generally with a very limited number of hours remaining in the day. Oh, and did I mention there’s all that stuff you added to the to-do-list which still requires some attention. It’s no wonder employees are becoming exhausted and long-term burning out.
Studies show taking a break is essential to:
- higher productivity
- creativity
- improved concentration
- mood stability
- efficiency
Avoiding breaks can unintentionally cause harm to our physical being over time such as:
- dehydrating ourselves through not drinking during the day (we’re way too busy for that) which reduces our brain functionality
- reducing energy and vitality through lack of food nourishment
- reducing our connection through socialisation, which can create a feeling of isolation
- physical strain on our body like stiffness, tension and stagnation due to loss of movement
How can you create a break?
We need to accept that a 10-minute break improves the quality of our work output and doesn’t hinder us. If we’re not committed to honour our own health and well-being as a priority, we can expect that after a while just like a car without oil our engine (aka your body) will seize up.
Taking a break is easier than you expect; all you need to do is schedule a time in your diary. When the alarm goes off, treat the alarm/appointment the same as you would any other meeting i.e. get up and walk away from your workspace.
It isn’t ideal that travel is limited at the moment; this shouldn’t be the reason not to take a break. Trade your overseas travel for local instead and go, be and do something you’ve never done before.
I wonder if you don’t make time today to have good health, what will be the long-term cost to your career, family, relationships, finances, and most of all your health. Will you be able to live the life you’ve dreamt of if you are health compromised? Prevent yourself from burning out today, schedule that 10-minute break now, or even better a well-deserved holiday.
If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
When we were kids, Christmas was an absolute blast.
We had all the fun and none of the responsibilities. All we had to do was show up in our PJs, open presents, eat delicious food, and spend the day playing with our new treasures.
But alas, as grown-ups, the holiday season is a whole different ballgame: it’s all responsibilities and minimal fun.
For many adults, the most joyful time of the year is seriously lacking in joy and can be hugely stressful. There’s often financial pressure, time pressure, and the overwhelm of trying to do a million things at once while keeping everyone happy.
This can all lead to increased stress levels, anxiety, depression, or burnout – and that’s the last thing you need when you’re meant to be relaxing and enjoying some downtime after an intense year.
If you’re already feeling stressed about the upcoming holiday season, remember that this year doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By adapting your approach and mindset, you can reduce your stress levels and inject more fun into your Christmas holidays
let’s talk about how to make that happen.
Reduce Your Stress Levels In The Lead Up To Christmas
Make A Plan
Did you know that 51% of New Zealanders feel increased financial and social stress during the holiday season?
One of the best ways to avoid overwhelm is to have a solid plan of action. Instead of leaving everything to the last minute and completely stressing yourself out, sit down and come up with a schedule that spreads all your pre-holiday tasks out into bite-sized chunks.
If you plan to cook up a feed for the family, get your grocery shopping done early when things are on sale. Maybe you can even do some baking or cooking early and freeze it, so there’s less to do closer to Christmas day.
Make a gift list and get it sorted early online, and don’t forget to schedule some rest and relaxation in there too!
Stop Perfectionism In Its Tracks
If there’s one mantra you should keep repeating leading up to Christmas, it’s this:
Done is better than perfect.
While Christmas does come with certain pressures, you’ll likely find that many of them are self-inflicted.
Is it really that important to get the perfect gift for everyone, have the best-decorated house in the street, cook the most extravagant dinner for the family, or bend over backwards to make sure the day goes exactly to plan?
In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world if things don’t go quite as you expected, so reduce your stress levels by lowering your expectations.
Take Good Care Of Yourself
When we are stressed, we tend to act counter-intuitively and ditch the healthy habits we should embrace. Basic health hygiene habits like regular meals, eight hours of sleep, and exercise are often the first things to disappear from our daily schedules.
However, one of the best ways to reduce your stress levels is by prioritising self-care. A lack of sleep and movement and poor nutrition can contribute to increased cortisol levels, exacerbating the physical and emotional symptoms of stress.
Of course, over the silly season, there’s bound to be some bigger meals and a few late nights – and we should embrace those enjoyable moments – but if you’re consistently putting your health at the bottom of the list, you could find yourself burned out before Santa has even harnessed up his reindeer.
Reframe The Act Of Giving
Like many holidays, a lot of joy gets sucked out of Christmas by the massive push to buy, buy, buy. Decorations, summer holiday essentials, gifts for family, friends, the kids’ teachers and the postie.
While giving can be a beautiful thing, it doesn’t have to be about buying the biggest, shiniest gift around. It truly can be about more than that. It’s about the love, time and effort that goes into selecting or making something for someone.
If you’re feeling pressured financially, remember that gifts don’t even have to be tangible. They can be things like a massage, cooking dinner for your loved one, or doing something special for each other that you wouldn’t ordinarily do.
It’s never too late to change the focus in your household and introduce new traditions that reduce your stress levels for years to come – and that can start with changing the way you approach gift-giving.
Call In The Troops
Do you usually take care of most of the Christmas prep alone? And are you always the one stuck in the kitchen sorting out the food while everyone else relaxes? Say it with me – “not this year!”
This is the year you will ask for help so that you can reduce your stress levels and have a merry Christmas along with your friends and family. When you’re planning all the pre-holiday tasks, start delegating! If you usually host, let someone else take over. Alternatively, ask everyone to bring a plate instead of cooking everything yourself.
Don’t be afraid to say no when something feels like too much. Set boundaries around how much you will commit to, and be clear on what you’d like help with.
Most importantly, remember that if you’re feeling stressed, you’re not alone. As I mentioned before, half of all Kiwis are right there with you! Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing. If you feel like the stress is getting too much and you need to talk or develop better strategies to reduce your stress levels, reach out for the support you need.
Christmas stress is real! And it is totally ok to want to reduce your stress levels during the silly season. But, it can be hard to know how to do it. If you want some easy-to-action strategies that you can implement right away.
If you feel like you need extra support in making these changes, don't hesitate to reach out. Book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
What Is Burnout?
Psychologist Herbert Freudenberger first coined the term “burnout” in 1974. He described it as “the extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one’s devotion to a cause or relationship fails to produce the desired results.”
Burnout is a state of mental and physical exhaustion that occurs when we have experienced prolonged or chronic stress.
Unsurprisingly, burnout has been increasingly common in our busy, “hustle” oriented world. Particularly since 2020 due to the stresses and demands brought about by the global pandemic.
How To Identify Burnout
Burnout can present in a variety of different ways and can look a little bit different for everyone, but there are three specific signs or symptoms that show up:
- Physical and emotional exhaustion
- Cynicism and detachment
- Feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment
Everyone feels a little tired from time to time, but burnout is characterised by extreme fatigue that is hard to shake. Along with that exhaustion, you may feel overwhelmed by tasks that used to be simple and find it hard to motivate yourself to do much of anything at all.
Work that you used to enjoy can feel too difficult or downright pointless. Small stresses may feel like the end of the world, and you might be at a loss with how to get the old you back.
Your energy is zapped, your motivation has long departed, and you may develop a host of physical symptoms as your nervous system succumbs to that perpetual state of fight or flight.
Common Signs Of Burnout
There are some common signs that can signify burnout. These can be:
- Persistent insomnia
- Inability to concentrate
- Forgetfulness
- Dizziness
- Headaches
- Digestive disorders
- Loss of appetite/weight loss
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Irritability
- Loss of enjoyment of life
- Isolation
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Lack of productivity
While anybody can become burned out, it does seem particularly common amongst “type A” personalities – those who tend to be highly ambitious and perfectionists.
3 Simple Steps To Support Yourself
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It’s actually a result of ongoing stress. This stress could stem from one area of your life or many. Perhaps you’re caring for an ill family member, working in a demanding job, trying to home school the kids through a pandemic, or facing another challenge.
After identifying that you’re suffering from burnout, the first consideration is to ask yourself if there’s a way to address the stress in your life.
Is there anything you can do to ease the pressure you feel at work or home? If not, then it’s time to take some practical steps to deal with the stress yourself.
Here are three simple yet effective ways you can support yourself during burnout:
1: Learn to Manage Your Stress Levels
Your body is designed to deal with stress from time to time, but chronic stress is another story. If you constantly feel tense and overwhelmed, your body keeps the stress response going, pumping out stress hormones such as cortisol.
Over time, these hormones can be detrimental, causing insomnia, increased anxiety, and a host of other physical and mental issues.
Most of us can’t just jump on a plane to a tropical island and let the stress melt away right now. But luckily, there are plenty of ways to calm that stress response down right at home.
Meditation is one of the most effective ways of calming the body. Even if you’re not spiritual, research reveals there are loads of benefits from even a simple ten-minute-a-day meditation practice.
It can be intimidating to sit still and be with your mind, but there are plenty of free apps or YouTube videos that will guide you through the practice. Commit to just five to ten minutes a day, to begin with. Stick with it, and you will start to see glimpses of how it can feel to calm your mind and body.
2: Get Moving
Before you roll your eyes and crawl back under your blanket – I get it! Often, exercise is the last thing you want to do when feeling overwhelmed with life.
But it’s also one of the best ways to boost your mood and help you feel empowered! The mental benefits of exercise are just as valuable as the physical benefits.
You don’t have to do an hour-long HIIT class or run a 5K (although if that motivates you, embrace it!)
Something as gentle as Tai Chi or Yin Yoga can help you get out of your mind and into your body, reducing stress levels as you focus on your breath and stretch those tired muscles.
Even a ten-minute walk can improve your mood for up to two hours. Pick something that sounds enjoyable (failing that, at least tolerable) and start with just ten minutes every second day.
3: Reach Out for Support
Burnout makes minor problems seem enormous. It can make us feel terribly alone and yet not want to be around others. But reaching out to make connections is a powerful way to get your life back into balance.
Social contact is important for us (yes, even the introverts!) Sometimes, just talking to someone who is a good listener can calm your nervous system and lower your stress levels.
Connect with your partner, friends, or family if you feel comfortable with them. Initiate some honest conversations about how you’re feeling.
Alternatively, reaching out to someone who has experienced burnout and found a way out may be valuable. They’ll understand exactly how you’re feeling and can offer support and guidance to navigate your way off burnout island.
Bear in mind that burnout does share many symptoms with depression and anxiety. If you are concerned about your mental health, it’s always advisable to chat with your doctor or a mental health professional.
Set Yourself Up For Success In 2022
If you’re feeling like everything is too much, now is the perfect time to hit pause and take care of yourself so that you’re ready to welcome 2022 from a better and brighter perspective.
Remember, you don’t have to go it alone. There is additional support out there that can help get you through.
I’ve climbed out of burnout hell and found my real power, which helped me discover my purpose: helping people like you do the same!
Sessions take place via zoom, so you can choose your surroundings, from a private office to the couch or anything in between. The most important thing is that you are comfortable, warm, hydrated, and relaxed to get the most out of the experience.
Whether you're a business owner wanting to take your business to the next level or a professional woman who needs help, take your next step forward book in a time to chat with Hana or follow her on: Facebook Instagram or LinkedIn
